I am tickled to introduce you to my dear friend, Chelsea. She's my soul sister from Louisiana, and she just recently married the man who is her best friend. A month ago, Chelsea gave me the opportunity to write a post for her blog, Go Giver, and we loved partnering in blogging so much that she's now guest blogging for She Laughs Without Fear in a new series called Modern Women of Faith. Kindly lend an ear (or an eye) to Chelsea's honest words about being a woman of faith.
Woman of faith.
Such a simple term and thought, yet so much harder to put into practice. At least, it is for me anyway.
When Madi asked me to write a blog post about what it means for me to be a woman of faith rather than fear, I was so excited! Then, as I began thinking of the topic, I honestly started to become a little nervous and worried... I feel very inadequate and almost like an impostor talking about this.
This year for me has been such a hard struggle with matters of my faith in the Lord. Some of my biggest fears became a reality for me this year: loneliness, not finishing university on time, and losing touch with who I thought God was.
My biggest fear, ever since I was young was that I would be alone or without anyone who cared about me. This is a common fear among many people and became real for me this year with my time off of my normal activities (My Year Off From Titles). My friendships were abandoned and I felt forgotten and unwanted by many. This was the beginning of my spiral in my lack of faith. I could not trust that people who claimed to love me with Christ's love would be there for me. I felt alone in my struggles and very afraid.
With this lack of trust in the Lord and many months of doubt, my health and my school life became an added pressure. I started gaining weight and could not seem to have self-control to be the healthy girl I used to be. My grades fell behind, and I had no drive or passion for school work.
I was just floating through life... and no one knew about it.
I was living in sadness and fear. It was hard to go out. It felt impossible to go to events where my old friends were because of the awkwardness that pursued. Loneliness.
My year hit its lowest during the middle of April. My wedding was approaching quickly, I had several issues with my professors and classes, and I was losing my mind. One morning before heading to meet with my then fiancé, I found myself struggling to breathe. I had just gotten in the shower and all of a sudden my chest became extremely tight. Tears streamed down my face and sobs escaped my lips as I tried desperately to suck any air that I could into my lungs. My stress and fear had entangled me and was suffocating me. Trying to think of what to do, I looked up, and there on the wall of my shower I saw the answer.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
-2 Timothy 1:7
Earlier in the school year I had placed a sheet of paper with this verse on it in a paper protector in my shower. While my intention had been to memorize the verse and commit it to my heart; I had completely ignored this sound encouragement. ALL YEAR.
Repeating the words over and over in my mind, I slowly started to control my breathing.
The way I felt laying on my floor, repeating these simple words, was the most peaceful and strong I had felt in months. I no longer felt alone. The problems of school and worry of the future melted away.
Since then, my life has not been easy. It is a struggle to form good habits and find strength everyday. But when I seek for these things in the Lord, they come much easier. When I search for goodness and strength in myself, it is impossible.
Friends, absolutely nothing is impossible with God. He brought me to a place of absolute need for Him in order to feel free; and He does this repeatedly in my life. Because of His consistency and the desire He gives me (that I pray for often) to learn about Him.... I can laugh at the future without fear. Without loneliness. Without doubt. And with unfailing love.
Chelsea is the founder of the blog Go Giver where she talks about life as a new wife, what she's learning about life, and how to be a go giver instead of a go-getter. Her blog is like a breathe of fresh air on a misty Saturday morning in the summer. Share the love and visit her blog!
Shalom! I'm Madi, a laughter-loving, movie-going, spontaneous-dancing, follower of Christ. Join me as I seek glimpses of God's grace in the ordinary and everyday.
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She Laughs Without Fear