Preparing for Poland

You steady me
Slow and sweet, we sway.
Take the lead, and I will follow.
Finally ready now 
To close my eyes and just believe
That you won't lead me where you don't go.

When my faith gets tired,
and my hope seems lost,
You spin me around and around 
and remind me of that song
the one you wrote for me
and we dance.

WE DANCE by Bethel Music

I'm in the home stretch. I leave for Poland in about a month. There are so many thoughts and feelings bubbling up inside me at all times. 

Anticipation, excitement, anxiety, fear, hope, wonder, and so many more. 

This trip will be my first time out of the country, my first time traveling by myself, and my first time being in a foreign country. 

Unlike Ron Weasley, I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon. I'm more of  Rapunzel from Tangled right after she leaves the tower. In a short amount of time, I go through a wide variety of emotions. Especially when I start thinking about the fact that I will be leaving for Poland soon. In this sea of conflicting emotions, the only thing that seems to steady me is God. 

I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions when my friend Faith sent me a link to the song above. You can listen to it here as you continue reading this post. 

You steady me. Slow and sweet, we sway. Take the lead, and I will follow. Finally ready now to close my eyes and just believe that you won't lead me where you don't go. 

For the most part, I'm really excited to go to Poland, but there's also this fear and anxiety that keeps creeping up.

A few weeks ago, I felt like all of the people around me kept bringing up people that were martyred for their faith, so I started thinking to myself: What if I die in Poland? What if I'm martyred? What if I'm going to die young? Especially with everything going on in Ukraine, these fears seemed plausible and I started to feed them. If it wasn't for a friend, who went on a similar trip last summer, speaking truth into my life and gently encouraging me with, "Madi, you're not going to die in Poland. No one has ever died during this program," I probably would still be convinced that every time someone brought up suffering, that was a sign from God preparing me for martyrdom. 

The human heart likes to tell lies. But God and His Word are the truth. 

In a sea of fears about being martyred or about support raising or even sharing the good news of Jesus with people, God is steadying me, slow and sweet, we sway. 

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise - 
In God, I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
Psalm 56: 3-4

To close my eyes and just believe that you won't lead me where you don't go. 

When I go to Poland in a month, I'm going to one of the most spiritually dead areas in the world. It might look beautiful, but spiritually, it's very dark. Apart from my team, there are very few believers in the town that I'm going to. The community of believers is small, but we're not alone. I won't be alone. God won't lead me where He won't go. God is going with me, and that gives me so much hope. 

When my faith gets tired, and my hope seems lost, you spin me around and around and remind me of that song the one you wrote for me, and we dance. 

Right now, I'm at the end of the semester. I am tired. I'm ready to be done. The only thing getting me through is the fact that summer is so close and that Jesus suffered far worse than my measly papers and films due. But I think this "suffering" and exhaustion is preparing me for Poland. I'm guessing that there will be times this summer when I'm exhausted, believing lies, tempted to despair, and afraid. But God will remind me of that song that He wrote for me then as He reminds me of it now. 

But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God.
Hebrews 10:12

When Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world and was raised from the dead, the battle was won. It was finished. God is victorious. He is the hero of the story. He has won the battle. But the Enemy doesn't get that he lost, and he's still trying to fight the war. So until Jesus returns to show the Enemy once and for all his rightful place, those that believe have an opportunity to share the good news, the gospel. And the good news is that Jesus has won. He is victorious. He defeated sin and death, and he died for the sins of the world so that we could be made right with God. This summer, and for the rest of my life, I get to share that message. I don't have to, but I want to!

Why? Because wouldn't you want to share really great news?

So in the moments when my faith gets tired or my hope seems lost this summer, I will have to be reminded of the gospel and the good news! And that will restore my faith and my hope. 

And we dance

When I imagine heaven, I honestly imagine dancing with God. When I sing to worship music, I imagine dancing with Jesus in a field of flowers. Why? Because dancing is AWESOME and it just gives me this overwhelming sense of peace and rest. But I also dance with Jesus in real life, let me explain before you start thinking I'm crazy. 

When you dance with a person, you are connected with him/her. The two people have to be connected in order for progress to be made in the dance, and for them to move smoothly and in unity. In that case, dancing with Jesus looks like finding ways to connect with Him. That means praying and talking to Him, journaling, reading God's word, and just worshipping Him. These are the ways that I can dance with Jesus now and how I will stay connected to Him in Poland, or else I'll stumble during the dance. 

This song's lyrics are so helpful as I prepare for Poland physically, financially and spiritually. And it really hit on the main things I need to focus on as I prepare to go. 

1. Only God can steady me.  
2. God will be with me. 
3. There will be hard times.
4. In those hard times, remember the gospel. 
5. Just dance with Jesus. 

I have no idea what God is going to do with the two months that I'm abroad, but I have no doubt that He has a lot of things in store for me. Who knows how God will use a weak, emotional creature like me? But I'm excited to find out!